20 things I've learned about LOVE from my parent's 20 years of marriage

In honor of my parent’s 20^th wedding anniversary and (of a late) Valentine’s Day here are twenty things I have learned about love through my parents' twenty years of marriage:

1)      Love is so much more than simply 1 word with 4 letters that you blurt out when you feel something for someone else.

February 17, 1996

2)      Love is all consuming—there is no middle ground with love. You are either all in or all out because…

3)      Love is passionate— it is a fire burning within you.

4)      Love is caring— (Sorry dad but I am going to use this as an example) Love is waking up at 2am from a dead sleep to clean up your 10 year-old daughter’s throw-up because your husband thought you could just take care of it in the morning. #motherhood

5)      However… Love is not a mushy feeling— it is not something that you “feel” for someone one day and then 24 hours later it magically disappears.

6)      Love is a verb— it is not simply saying fancy words. Love is when you take action on those words or feelings to make them real. It is in on-going response and attitude.

L O V E - it is SO much more than 4 letters

7)      Love is persistent— even when the going gets tough, love stays and fights. It is chasing after someone when they storm out of the room or annoying them to dead by showing up at their house and blowing up their phone until they answer.

8)      Love is sacrifice—doing things for other people and not for yourself. It is coaching your daughter’s basketball games for years in a row on your anniversary instead of spending it having a candle light dinner.

9)      Love is selfless—putting other people’s needs, wants and desires above your own. Mom has chosen to invest in her children's lives by Homeschool them for years instead of creating her own career.  That is so selfless. But Christ performed the greatest sacrifice.

John 15:13, “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down His life for His friends.” (NASAB)

10)   Love cannot be bought—it does not matter how many nice, expensive things you buy someone—you cannot make them love you. And just because someone buys you something does not mean that they love you or that you should love them.

11)   BUT… Love comes with a price— love changes people

- Completely adorable -

. Sometimes you come out with disappointment and other times with more joy than you ever thought possible. My parents have given up so much so that each of their children can have what they want. Would they go back and change that so that they could get more out of their relationship? I know for a fact they absolutely would not because their kind of love is selfless and from the heart.

12)   Love is from the heart—Love is not pricy jewelry or fancy cars. Those are things. Simply things. No lasting value. Love is heartfelt notes and hand crafted things. Love is thoughtful and creates memories. Love is not always a dozen roses on Valentine’s Day but rather a surprise foot massage and handmade cards from each of your kids.

13)   Love is a choice. True love does not come and go. It is a decision to constantly be with someone or maintain a relationship with that person because you want to. It’s not be based on feelings.

14)   Love takes work— it is hard. Love takes dedication. It is taxing physically, emotionally and spiritually.

15)   True love is takes time—there is no easy written path to success that you will arrive at in a certain time frame. Love is developed and maintained daily not in a day.

They may not like this pic very much because its in motion but I love it.
Together no matter what they are doing :)

16)   Love is not about self-gain—it does not look for ways to see what you can get out a relationship or a situation. My mom did not marry my dad because he was rich. Far from it. She or he had no immediate gain from marrying the other person. However, in the long run my parents have gained. They have learned from each other and grown together but it was not because of the other person’s initial value but rather because of Christ’s value in their relationship.

17)   Love is giving—not only of your money and resources but of your time— the greatest gift you can give someone is your time. Because once you give your time, you are giving a portion of your life that you will never get back.

18)   Love is not always happy— this might sound weird because you think ‘Oh my goodness, I’m in love, I have never been happier than I am right now.’ Well that may be true, but sometimes love hurts so bad. You care so much about someone that it hurts you to be away from them, or it hurts you to let them go, or it hurts to watch them get in trouble. Love fights. Love struggles. Love comes out stronger in the end.

Somehow she manages to look past his imperfections. ;)

19)   Love is imperfect —everyone has flaws and is constantly making mistakes. Love is not perfect and it may hurt when they forget your anniversary or birthday but it isn’t the end of the world. Do not run or give up on someone because they have a trouble remembering dates. Life is about every remembered and cherished moment not the ones forgotten.

20)   Love is forgiving—this is really important. Love does not hold a record or wrongs. Just as Christ casts our sins away forever we need to do the same to the people around us. Holding on to that anger and sin will only destroy our self. See Micah 7:19.

Another random thought… they have been faithful to resolve conflicts before going to sleep every night. In any relationship period it is imperative to follow this.

Ephesians 4:26, “Be angry and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.”(NASAB)

I think I can safely say that they have never gone to bed without talking through things. It is honestly amazing. They have definitely influenced me in that way as well because I too have to talk it all out before I can actually fell asleep.

Lastly, love comes from God. If you really want to know how to love or why to love, read the Holy Bible. God writes an amazing love letter to us that will tell you any and everything you want or need to know about love—if you dig deep enough.

Dad and Mom, you guys are THE ABSOLUTE BEST people and couple I know. You are both crazy and absolutely hilarious. Our family has so many special and unforgettable memories together. Yes, you have your bad days and sometimes the struggle seems unending, but you have never lost sight of God even during the darkest valleys of life. You have always had faith and together you have always stuck by each other through some of the most stretching things any couple could experience. I love you guys so very much. I am so thankful for you each and every day (even though some days I may not express it like that). I am so grateful for the example you set of a Godly, Christ-centered marriage and relationship.

Here is to many, many more adventurous, crazy, stretching and exciting years! We may not agree on everything but I would never ever want a parent swap of any sort! You both are keepers!

~Gracie

Still laughing & helpless in love 20 years later <3

Twinnies for life.

- 20 years later -

(standing left-right) Chi-13, Bo-15, Grace-18, Doriahn-16.

(sitting left-right) Judah-7, Kolia-8, Angie-old, Garth-old, Obie-12