20 things I've learned about LOVE from my parent's 20 years of marriage

In honor of my parent’s 20^th wedding anniversary and (of a late) Valentine’s Day here are twenty things I have learned about love through my parents' twenty years of marriage:

1)      Love is so much more than simply 1 word with 4 letters that you blurt out when you feel something for someone else.

February 17, 1996

2)      Love is all consuming—there is no middle ground with love. You are either all in or all out because…

3)      Love is passionate— it is a fire burning within you.

4)      Love is caring— (Sorry dad but I am going to use this as an example) Love is waking up at 2am from a dead sleep to clean up your 10 year-old daughter’s throw-up because your husband thought you could just take care of it in the morning. #motherhood

5)      However… Love is not a mushy feeling— it is not something that you “feel” for someone one day and then 24 hours later it magically disappears.

6)      Love is a verb— it is not simply saying fancy words. Love is when you take action on those words or feelings to make them real. It is in on-going response and attitude.

L O V E - it is SO much more than 4 letters

7)      Love is persistent— even when the going gets tough, love stays and fights. It is chasing after someone when they storm out of the room or annoying them to dead by showing up at their house and blowing up their phone until they answer.

8)      Love is sacrifice—doing things for other people and not for yourself. It is coaching your daughter’s basketball games for years in a row on your anniversary instead of spending it having a candle light dinner.

9)      Love is selfless—putting other people’s needs, wants and desires above your own. Mom has chosen to invest in her children's lives by Homeschool them for years instead of creating her own career.  That is so selfless. But Christ performed the greatest sacrifice.

John 15:13, “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down His life for His friends.” (NASAB)

10)   Love cannot be bought—it does not matter how many nice, expensive things you buy someone—you cannot make them love you. And just because someone buys you something does not mean that they love you or that you should love them.

11)   BUT… Love comes with a price— love changes people

- Completely adorable -

. Sometimes you come out with disappointment and other times with more joy than you ever thought possible. My parents have given up so much so that each of their children can have what they want. Would they go back and change that so that they could get more out of their relationship? I know for a fact they absolutely would not because their kind of love is selfless and from the heart.

12)   Love is from the heart—Love is not pricy jewelry or fancy cars. Those are things. Simply things. No lasting value. Love is heartfelt notes and hand crafted things. Love is thoughtful and creates memories. Love is not always a dozen roses on Valentine’s Day but rather a surprise foot massage and handmade cards from each of your kids.

13)   Love is a choice. True love does not come and go. It is a decision to constantly be with someone or maintain a relationship with that person because you want to. It’s not be based on feelings.

14)   Love takes work— it is hard. Love takes dedication. It is taxing physically, emotionally and spiritually.

15)   True love is takes time—there is no easy written path to success that you will arrive at in a certain time frame. Love is developed and maintained daily not in a day.

They may not like this pic very much because its in motion but I love it.
Together no matter what they are doing :)

16)   Love is not about self-gain—it does not look for ways to see what you can get out a relationship or a situation. My mom did not marry my dad because he was rich. Far from it. She or he had no immediate gain from marrying the other person. However, in the long run my parents have gained. They have learned from each other and grown together but it was not because of the other person’s initial value but rather because of Christ’s value in their relationship.

17)   Love is giving—not only of your money and resources but of your time— the greatest gift you can give someone is your time. Because once you give your time, you are giving a portion of your life that you will never get back.

18)   Love is not always happy— this might sound weird because you think ‘Oh my goodness, I’m in love, I have never been happier than I am right now.’ Well that may be true, but sometimes love hurts so bad. You care so much about someone that it hurts you to be away from them, or it hurts you to let them go, or it hurts to watch them get in trouble. Love fights. Love struggles. Love comes out stronger in the end.

Somehow she manages to look past his imperfections. ;)

19)   Love is imperfect —everyone has flaws and is constantly making mistakes. Love is not perfect and it may hurt when they forget your anniversary or birthday but it isn’t the end of the world. Do not run or give up on someone because they have a trouble remembering dates. Life is about every remembered and cherished moment not the ones forgotten.

20)   Love is forgiving—this is really important. Love does not hold a record or wrongs. Just as Christ casts our sins away forever we need to do the same to the people around us. Holding on to that anger and sin will only destroy our self. See Micah 7:19.

Another random thought… they have been faithful to resolve conflicts before going to sleep every night. In any relationship period it is imperative to follow this.

Ephesians 4:26, “Be angry and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.”(NASAB)

I think I can safely say that they have never gone to bed without talking through things. It is honestly amazing. They have definitely influenced me in that way as well because I too have to talk it all out before I can actually fell asleep.

Lastly, love comes from God. If you really want to know how to love or why to love, read the Holy Bible. God writes an amazing love letter to us that will tell you any and everything you want or need to know about love—if you dig deep enough.

Dad and Mom, you guys are THE ABSOLUTE BEST people and couple I know. You are both crazy and absolutely hilarious. Our family has so many special and unforgettable memories together. Yes, you have your bad days and sometimes the struggle seems unending, but you have never lost sight of God even during the darkest valleys of life. You have always had faith and together you have always stuck by each other through some of the most stretching things any couple could experience. I love you guys so very much. I am so thankful for you each and every day (even though some days I may not express it like that). I am so grateful for the example you set of a Godly, Christ-centered marriage and relationship.

Here is to many, many more adventurous, crazy, stretching and exciting years! We may not agree on everything but I would never ever want a parent swap of any sort! You both are keepers!

~Gracie

Still laughing & helpless in love 20 years later <3

Twinnies for life.

- 20 years later -

(standing left-right) Chi-13, Bo-15, Grace-18, Doriahn-16.

(sitting left-right) Judah-7, Kolia-8, Angie-old, Garth-old, Obie-12

My Valentine

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Before Hallmark. Before red roses. Before chocolate. Before X’s and O’s. Before hearts. Before singing telegrams. Before mushy texts and cards. Before the teddy bears and fancy dinners. Before this holiday became three words with eight letters. Before Valentine’s Day and before asking someone to “be my Valentine” there was this one word that still existed: LOVE.

This word was not simply thrown all over the place one day a year like it is now. This word was powerful. This word was meaningful. No matter what the circumstances this word has always involved one person throughout history—Jesus Christ. God. GOD IS LOVE. He is the embodiment of love.

Christ gives love. He gives love freely to whoever wants to accept His free gift of love and whoever wants to indulge in reading His ultimate love letter. This letter is His Holy Word and it is not just for one special person but to the whole wide world. No one is left out, no one is forgotten and no one is shunned or pushed away.

Everyone is invited to be a part of God’s family full of love when we embrace and believe in this love. This love of God was so great that He took His ONLY Son from the realm of glory and sent Him to a broken, sinful, hateful world to pay the ultimate price of sin to bring back love into the world. That was the incomparable display and picture of the essence of love.

This love from Christ is what I am celebrating this Valentine’s Day. His all-flowing, un-ending, constant, deep, personal, unconditional, sacrificial, complete and FREE gift of love.

It is amazing how many people will “love” someone or choose to “love” someone today, and next week or next year or years from now that person may not be there for them to love anymore. I hope that does not happen to you but if it does there is someone else that will never leave you like that friend, boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse might. His love will go with you through every dark valley and will last for an eternity. Christ love is boundless.

Today I am remembering His amazing love. I am thankful that no matter who loves or does not love me I will always have someone whose love is so fathomless towards me (and you) that I cannot completely comprehend and understand it fully. I believe in love. I do not believe that love is mushy or feely. Love is deep. Love is vast. True love is measureless. True love is from God. True love is God.

<3 Have a beautiful Valentine's Day <3

This I Believe: Embrace This Life

"This I Believe is an international organization engaging people in writing and sharing essays describing the core values that guide their daily lives."  For more information about this you can visit the website here: This I Believe.

I had an English assignment to write a statement like these about one of my passionate beliefs. Here is my essay about one thing I believe is important in this life. (Please note that the named characters in this story are real people but the names used are not real, so if you find that your name is used, no worries its not you. I just like your name.)

Embrace This Life

            A few years ago I was contemplating going to a surprise birthday party. It was that event that taught me how I wanted to live this life. It was for a childhood friend, Anne, whom I have known since birth. However, I had not been close with her for a few years. I debated, prayed, wrote a list of pros and cons, made a choice but doubtfully retracted it and went back to wrestling with the decision. It was honestly stressful. I did not want to feel like the outsider at the party or have it permanently stain my mind as the most awkward, drawn out four hours of my life. I used my basketball game the following day as excuse to not be able to go.

Despite reasons I created not to attend the party, somehow I found myself knocking at Anne’s doorstep, reluctant but ready for whatever I was about to get myself into.

I hadn’t seen these girls in a while and the first couple minutes at the party were already awkward. They were chatting about stuff I didn’t know or really care much about. Alexa, a confident girl, mentioned her enrolment in college courses. And Bethany blabbered on and on about the last party she and the rest of the girls went to. She explained and repeated herself in too much detail how much fun they had. The girls were not adamantly ignoring me, but not participating threw my presence into the background. They were so comfortable around each other and acted like a family sharing life together. I became nervous. My mind began to overflow with frightening thoughts about my predictions for this night. What if I just sit here the whole night in awkward silence trying to listen? How did I get stuck here?

Embrace this life with a new perspective

But then I stopped in the middle of my prayer for a rescuer. I realized how I did not need to be “saved” from this situation. I needed to throw those nasty speculations away. Once I did, I decided to clothe myself with a different attitude. My mind kept telling me that I was “stuck” here. But then I realized that I might as well just try to enjoy myself since I am kind of going to be here for a while. Changing my perspective and attitude was easier said than done. It took effort. But, I began to think of ways I could engage in the conversation, instead of how I could change it to my topic preferences.

By the end of the night I felt at home, I felt comfortable and I did not want to leave. Memories still flood my mind and heart with the joy I experienced that night. I embraced the hugs. I sang louder. I listened better. I laughed harder. I reconnected with old friends by strengthening relationships and made the selfless decision to be a supportive friend. Since that evening, I have chosen to believe in embracing life.

            Looking back I discovered that that night brought forth the two decisions that I face often in life. I could either look at an opportunity with openness and a positive perspective, or I could shut out the possibility of learning new things or risk the potential of being in awkward situations. Another birthday party like that one will never come. If I had not gone I would always have regret hidden somewhere deep in my heart. I would always wonder “what if”. What could have happened if I went there or did that or tried that?

I do not want to go through life wondering what I COULD have done. I want to go through life looking for ways to enjoy and ultimately glorify God with my actions through the way I live out my life. I want to overcome whatever fears or dilemmas are holding me back. I want to break free of their grasp and spring forward in confidence.  

Now, I choose new experiences. I choose to go through the open doors standing in front of me. I believe opportunities are constantly staring me deeply in the eye. I know life will be hard with truly sticky situations and confusing positions to be in, but it is also a matter of perspective. Just because a situation may not immediately appeal to me or grab my attention, I still need to consider it and have an open mind towards its possibilities.

Those few hours at the party ultimately taught me how I want to live my life. I was shown a new world of uncertainty. But with uncertainty comes adventure. This world is brimming with possibilities and countless opportunities. It has opened my eyes to the everyday struggles I have; but it has shown me how to overcome those obstacles and rise above them. I believe in embracing every moment of this precious life. I believe in more than mere existing. I believe in living.

What is your core belief? What is one thing that you have a passion for? One thing that you told hear to your heart? Please comment below, I would love to hear what you believe! :)

Blessings,

~Gracie